Dear Abby: my boyfriend spent our money on a tattoo

DEAR ABBY: My family just returned from a relative after a weekend visit. The occasion was a birthday party and he brought in a tattoo artist. My boyfriend, the father of our 14 and 3, spent our last 100 dollars and got a tattoo! We are not rich and we had to borrow money to buy gasoline to get home.

I think he’s the most selfish person on the planet, and I get mad at him for all the other little things now. I can’t imagine that many adult men would do this to their partner. I know a few who would even say, “No honey, YOU get something. I can wait. ”Is there any hope for humanity? – BRAND OF DISASTER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DISASTER BRAND: There is a lot of hope for humanity; for the father of your 14 and 3, maybe not that much. Was he under the influence at this party, or does he often make bad decisions about money?

This tattoo is now a constant reminder of your disappointment in it, so hopefully it’s in a place where you don’t have to see it every day or night. You have my sympathy, but you have chosen this person as your life partner.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been together for over three decades, but their marriage has been strained for years. However, they will not unplug the plug and stop. It makes us kids (all in our twenties and out of the house) and our extended family confused and frustrated.

They still live under one roof, although they spend all of their time in separate parts of the house and only communicate through us, the children. They are clearly miserable, but if either of us tries to talk to them about their toxic dynamic, each blames the other.

Abby, I adore both of my parents, but they become shells of themselves. I know it’s not my business to intervene, but something has to change. I can’t stand another tense vacation visit. What should I do? – CONCERNED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: You and your siblings should sit down with your parents and tell them the effect their toxic dynamic has had on you as a family. You should urge them all to seek advice from a licensed marriage and family therapist. Then cross your fingers and hope they’re ready to move on. However, if they aren’t and you can’t handle another tense vacation visit, I recommend you make other plans and tell them why.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old. Three years ago I had a car accident that left me in a wheelchair. I have been able to move on in life and I am happy and I have a lot of friends who help me to stay active in sports etc. My problem is that I had a friend before my accident who moved out, and I’m sure he doesn’t. I don’t know his old best friend can’t walk anymore.

I just heard that his family is coming back here, and I don’t know how to handle it. Should I contact him before the move, or wait and say “By the way”? Do you have any advice? – WONDER IN NEW YORK

DEAR WONDER: The news is bound to be a shock. If you have the coordinates of this young man, I will vote to inform him in advance of the accident. And while you’re at it, explain to him what you’ve been doing since he left town.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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